Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Face the music

This week we are making room for the babies who will soon be here. We are rearranging our apartment, clearing out space in the back room that will be the babies' room. One of the things that occupies this room and which must be relocated is my CD collection. So it is with a mixture of sadness and delicious sentimentality that I have been "archiving" my CD's, putting the booklets and CDs into large notebooks, and the digipaks and jewel cases into boxes to be stored away.
I've been making and collecting music for the past twenty years or so. This means that most of the creative output of the musicians in my world, my friends and collaborators, is represented by shiny little discs. My music and that of my peers exists exactly in the era between the time when the CD first became the standard, and the present time, in which digital media is king and the CD is on the verge of obsolescence. So I have a big collection of CD's, and they mean a lot to me. Each one is a little time capsule and a magical window into a world that existed with perfect technicolor clarity. For me, the entire CD is part of the package, including the CD itself, the front and back cover, the booklet, the spine, all of it. So it a lttle painful to separate CDs into two parts.
Many of my CDs have inscriptions or autographs. This one on the left is from Vic Chesnutt, with whom I had the good fortune to play a series of concerts in New York in 200?. We rehearsed for three days in the Brooklyn basement of fellow musician T. Griffin, and then we played three shows. He paid us a very small amount, we were all thankful to be playing with one of our heroes. About a week after the shows were over and Vic had gone home to Athens, GA, I received a package of CDs in the mail. He had sent me his entire discography, every single CD signed in his shaky hand (he was wheelchair-bound and had only partial use of his right hand). I will always treasure these mementos of a time, and an artist, who are no longer with us.

And since the advent of the CD in the early 90's came at the expense of the vinyl record, many of the artists in my collection had a very ambivalent and even adversarial relationship with the CD as a medium. As they started to become the standard, CDs were considered evil and insidious by indie rockers, sonic purists, and hipsters (as they still are.) They were considered a ploy by the music industry to justify raising prices. Most featured an overabundance of packaging, making them extremely wasteful as well as over-priced. And compared to vinyl records, which emphasized the low end and added a level of compression and warmth, CDs were bright, sparkly, and cold. This Drive Like Jehu CD, called Yank Crime, came out in 1991. The only thing written on it, besides the record label info, is "CD's REALLY FUCKING BLOW."



And even my promo CDs have some eerie resonance. These two promo David Bowie CD's (which I think were given to me by someone who worked at his label) are stamped with the projected release date. Christiane F. was a soundtrack album originally release in 1981. All Saints was a compilation that originally came out in 1993. Both had the distinction of being re-released on September 11, 2001.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Breeder

In about one month I will become a father of two. My wife will give birth to two children. One boy and one girl. I will have two real live children. My kids. Mes enfants. Twins. Des jumeaux.
The thoughts swirling around my head about this subject are many and wondrous. Mostly I want to savor this feeling of ecstatic anticipation in which I abide these days. My beautiful wife, apple of my eye, gorgeous womanhead, fountain of creation, my best friend, my foil, my partner, my lover and my spouse is growing these two creatures who will soon fill my life with wonder, fear, joy, pain, work, shit, piss, vomit, crying, love, cuddles, milk, beauty, innocence, softness, loveliness, and pure joy. 
The main thing that's going on is this; I can not wait to meet the kids! I know they will be amazing, eccentric, beautiful, sensitive, annoying, strong, weak, precious, complicated people. I just can't wait to meet them.
We know what their names are and we are not telling people. We also know, deep down, what they look like, what they smell like, what their voices sound like, how they walk, how they dance. We secretly want them to be left-handed, like us. We want them to love french cooking, to love art films and Vespas and Julia Child and funk and punk and heavy metal music, to love skiing and Armagnac and reggae music and earth tones and recycling and duck breast and stupid comedies and folk music and  to be die-hard Democrats. We want them to hate littering and to be incredibly honest and to have a tolerance for pain and an unusual proclivity for helping people. We secretly know that they will love soccer and tennis and be Patriots fans and probably not be very good at math and will love to read and will love clever TV shows like Breaking Bad or whatever the equivalent will be in the year 2043. They will be die-hard recyclers, they will compost, they might even  be short order cooks in vegetarian restaurants. We have no idea about any of these things, all we know is we love them. 
And we want so much for them. We are pure expectation, unadulterated anticipation. Our children are coming. Our children. Our twins. Two of them (as is usually the case with twins). They will be born on the same day. Probably in the middle of February, in the year 2012. Little tiny human babies, very nearly blind, powerless, completely dependent on us, almost paralyzed, only able to eat, sleep, shit, cry, and be loved.
I'm a forty-one year-old has-been who has been given this incredible gift; I will have children. Why do I use the tern "has-been?" It implies that my best days are over, that my achievements are behind me. But really I will be, I am a "will-be" if you consider this achievement, this creative output. I am making people. I am putting out the most complicated double album of all time, more complex than a Magma or Beefheart album. (Or for that matter The Snow or Bad Reputation, my actual bands with which I am actually in the process of making albums which will also come out this year.)
Hopefully these people will be really good people. They will make the world a better place in some way. They will bring light and happiness and laughter and good times to some little corner of this crumbling globe we spin on. We hope.
And I love my wife so much. She is a great big wobbly growth source, a fecund, fertile valley of creative output. She is the mountain, the alpha and omega, the rich fertile crescent, the grassy knoll. I am filled with admiration and wonder. Alons-y les enfants!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What are you listening to?

What a stupid question. I guess lately

Die Antwoord
Madeleine Peyroux
Boby Lapointe
Feist
Mastodon
Battles
Joe Flood
Les Chauds Lapins
The Cure
Elbow
Carole King
Creedle
Tune-Yards
James Fletcher
Kotorino
Lionel Ritchie
Noir Desir
Quasi
Firewater
Grinderman
Baxter Dury
Justin Townes Earle
The Dead Weather
Alain Goraguer

and many more.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Placebo Effect

I've been thinking a lot about the Placebo Effect lately. There was a story in the the New Yorker about it a few weeks ago. One of the points it was making was that the placebo effect works in physical ways that are not even understood yet. It is a clearly documented, scientific fact that believing that something will cure you can have positive effects on your health. The placebo effect works. The mind exerts a very powerful force on the body. If this is the case, why do some very positive people die? Maybe the Placebo Effect is just like any other remedy? What I would like to know is this; is a placebo more effective than no treatment at all? This is fucking with my mind. I believe in the placebo effect. In fact I believe that the placebo effect is more powerful than any drug if you can actually let your body be fooled by your mind. But this is not always easy.
I know lots of very intelligent people who cured themselves with belief. I know others who believed, and yet they still got sick and died. My mother was one of those. When I was a teenager, I swallowed the pill of religion, the pill of Jesus Christ, my personal buddy, my tough, bearded bodyguard. When i was a pimply-faced thirteen-year old, my life was crumbling around me. My parents' marriage was falling apart. My balls were growing hair and my penis was spurting white milky goo. My face was covered with acne and all i could ever think about, all day, every day, was sex. I found solace and belonging in a group of Southern California Christians. I prayed and I sang and I communed with other young, confused, sexy Christians from Orange County, California. I learned how to play the guitar so i could stand at the front of the group at bible studies every Wednesday night and join our leaders in a round of godly singing. The songs we sang were Christian and also secular, songs by Bob Dylan and Car Stevens and songs to the cool, surfing Jesus we could swallow. Being the guitar player at these church gatherings was my first taste of performance, and it filled my heart like heroin.
I recently learned from a very close friend of my mother's that the reason she died at the age of 47 was that she refused to have a double mastectomy, against the advice of her doctors and friends. Something inside her refused to believe that she had to sacrifice her body, her breasts, her feminine physique to save her life. She made a fatal error and she died for it, when i was 19 years old and my sister was 17. It was a very strange realization to make that part of my mother's undoing was something as simple as vanity. I know it's more complicated, she had been through a divorce, she had recently started a relationship with a new man, and she wanted to feel that she could still draw on the reserves of her sexuality to be desirable. She wanted to be sexy and be in love, after the nightmare of her failed marriage was finally behind her, her children were growing up (I was a freshman in college and my sister was a junior in high school) and she had a solid career as an administrator at McDonell Douglas. For her, the option to have her breasts removed to counteract the effects of a disease that seems only middy threatening and easily curable seemed like no optional all.
This is a sad story and it ended badly. I wish she could have lived to meet my gorgeous wife, my beautiful kids, my sister's family. What am i left with? An unshakeable belief in the power of entropy and randomness, and a deep mistrust of cancer. Don't fuck with cancer. The placebo effect works up to a point but then science has to step in. But then again, science is not always so smart either.
Now there are more loved ones suffering from this disease, and they must deal with it in various ways. They must summon their faith in science or nature or the divine healing energy of the earth, or a combination thereof. I love them all and wish them long life.
Adam Yauch, one of the members of the Beasty Boys, just died last month of throat cancer. He was 47 years old, the same age as my mother when she died. What does this tell me? I'm getting older all the time and I'm so thankful for all of the beauty that surrounds me. I'd like to think i've contributed to some of the world's happiness, and there's a lot more to come.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Christmastime in New York!


It's that magical time of the year in the Big Apple! What that means for those of us that work in the midtown area is that the twenty square block area between Central Park and 50th Street and Lexington and 8th Avenue are completely crammed with tourists from all over the world. They can be found weaving slowly down the street, looking at their phones, wondering which iconic landmark to visit. As you try to cross the street and go down the subway, they walk slowly, blocking your way, staring  mouths agape at the wonder of Radio City Music Hall, the majesty of Bergdorf Goodman, the awesome loveliness of that big-ass tree, the overwhelming beauty of Uniqlo and the Gap and the Lego Store! 

One of my favorite things about Christmas in New York is the bootleg characters panhandling on 5th Avenue. These are people who manage to find or create an unlicensed costume of some famous Disney or Sesame Street character and then accost people who try to take their photos. Here's a picture of Elmo asking for change in front of some kind of military vehicle that is menacingly keeping watch over the thousands of tourists thronging the streets in front of Radio City Music Hall. This particular Elmo is relatively dirt free and not very aggressive, and he didn't seem at all upset when I took his photo and didn't leave a tip, which is quite rare.



Here's a picture of the window display at Bergdorf Goodman, with a reflection of the Plaza in the background. I work at the Plaza on occasion, and I was struck by this scene as I was leaving work. It appears to be a dinner party hosted by a very fancy lady who invited her favorite half-men, half-animals to attend. Smoking jackets required. I'm not sure if she knows that they are standing a little too close to her, and they look a little too hungry for such a hoity-toity event. Pass them some more crab cakes before someone gets hurt!


This is a mariachi band that played at my friend Jorge's annual Tamalada, which is a Mexican holiday party with all the tamales you can eat, lots of booze, and dancing to this fantastic mariachi band. The guy on the right is playing an instrument I had never seen before, which is called a marimbol. It is like a massive bass version of a kalimba, the African thumb piano. It has huge tines in a big hollow box, and it makes an amazingly rich, resonant bass sound. I love Christmas in New York.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Carbuncle on the Ass of America

I finally made it down to Occupy Wall Street today. I've been trying to find the time to go down to Zucotti Park, to check  out an actual outpouring of American dissent, but I've been much too busy working for a living. My schedule as a freelance cameraman, musician, and husband (soon-to-be father of twins) has made it  impossible for me to make the trip down to the designated protest center of American leftist activism thus far. But this afternoon I finally found the time to venture down there with my wife and a friend to see what all the fuss is about.
First, I have to briefly describe a telephone conversation I had with a friend who works in the banking industry about Occupy Wall Street two days ago. We were in college together, we were amateur agitators together, we protested the perceived evils of capitalism together. In college in the early 90's, we sat shirtless on a freeway in San Diego playing bongo drums, in collusion with five hundred passionate activists blocking traffic for five hours until the SWAT team came and forcibly removed us. We were protesting a fee increase in tuition at UCSD and demanding that the President of our university explain his actions publicly to the student body and the media. On many other occasions, we took to the streets, marched, chanted, disrupted business, and occupied student buildings, demanding justice. Our causes seem scattered at best today. We were angry about arbitrary University fee hikes. We were outraged about the Rodney King verdict and demanded that our school officials make a public statement of dissent. At the drop of a hat, we organized rallies and concerts and marches. We were privileged university students using our free time, blanketed in the knowledge of our safety from harassment and violence to make our voices heard.
So yesterday I spoke to my old protest buddy about Occupy Wall Street. He told me that he went down there after work, walking the few blocks down from his job at a major financial institution with a colleague. His impression was that these were a bunch of trust fund kids, a gaggle of professional protesters who  were there for the party, for the spotlight, for the food, for the drums, to meet members of the opposite sex, to get laid, to rant, to play bongo drums. They had no real political agenda, no clear goal, no stated purpose. He felt they were dangerous, irresponsible, useless burning man types. His reaction surprised me, but I hadn't yet been down there so I reserved my judgment till I had a chance to see for myself.
He was right and he was wrong. Occupy Wall Street is a spontaneous cry for attention. It is a collective voicing of American discontent with no clear focus, no concensus on policy or process, no leadership, and no hierarchy of purpose. It is an unorganized outpouring of liberal frustration. If you were to ask every person holding a sign what his or her underlying philosophy is, the unifying thread might be something along the lines of "Capitalism in America is not working." And this vagueness, this lack of clear focus is what gives this protest its power. No one is holding the reins. No one is in charge. People are just simply angry, sad, and disillusioned. And we live in a country that allows us to voice our protest with very little risk of serious consequences. But to say that we have the unconditional freedom to protest in this country is to give much too much credit to the police.
I have taken part in protests in New York before, once at the outbreak of the war in Iraq, when 500,000 protesters attempted to march up Fifth Avenue. The police cordoned off every block, forcing people into crowded holding pens. Policemen on horseback rode into crowds with no escape route, forcing them to push down barricades and be arrested. I was standing with a group of people when we were charged head-on by a horse, forcing me to run onto a parked car to avoid being crushed. A woman who was with me, eight months pregnant and fearing for her safety, had to quickly run to the subway and go home.
The situation in Zucotti Park right now is no different. The police are firmly in charge. Make no mistake, if you make a wrong move, they will take you down. The whole happy, hippy, freaky protest is reigned in on all sides by barricades and cops with guns. If you stop too long to look or take a photo, a cop yells at you to keep walking. Since when is it against the law to stand on a sidewalk?
Which brings me back to my impression of  the protest; I love it! Finally people are going out of their way to poke a hole in the bogus charade that consumerism works and the market will take care of everything. People don't really know why they are unhappy, or what to do about it, but they know that something is very wrong. And it's not just trustafarians, anarchist hobos or burning man travelers looking for the next good drum circle. It is people from every walk of life, representing every  level of education and employment who are deeply dissatisfied with the deal we've been given here in America. Granted, there are a lot of lost souls looking for a movement to grab onto. You have to have the time to afford being arrested if you actually march outside of the park. But in the park, there are all types.
Some are angry at the finance industry, the cycle of consumerism and credit that leads down the dark hole of unmanageable debt and despair. Some are mystified by the endless cycle of military spending and the wars created and continued to justify it at the expense of education and social services. Some are outraged by multi-million dollar bonuses being awarded to the heads of corporations in the same years that thousands of jobs are being cut. Some resent bank bailouts and the whole "too big to fail" mindfuck. Some want solar power, wind power, an end to nuclear arms, whatever. A lot of people are just there to say fuck you to the Tea Party. Whatever the reasons, Americans are actually getting off of their asses, taking their eyes off their computer/tv/phone screens, meeting in public and rallying together as a force for liberal thought.
This is a wonderful thing. I have no idea if anything will come of it. My feeling is that it will basically become a "People's Park" of New York, a perpetual carbuncle on the ass of capitalist America. I think Bloomberg would never risk the ire that would come from forcibly stopping the party. And I think America needs a lot more carbuncles of this kind. In my native country of France, people protest every single time anything happens that they disagree with. They prostest way too much. They shut down the country, they cripple transportation, all to get their point across. It is a huge pain in the ass, but it works. We could stand to take a page from the French when it comes to protesting.  Though if it actually effects change remains to be seen. Maybe the kids who met at OWS go on to form PACS, to lobby their congresspeople, or to run for office. Maybe the tourist from Nebraska who stops there on her way to the 9/11 memorial with her family gains the courage to oppose the dominant viewpoint of her high school or her church. Whatever the outcome, it is a beautiful thing to behold.
Because of some inane law, there is no amplification of any kind allowed at Zucotti Park.(Where is that law when it comes to car alarms, or car stereos blasting shitty music outside my window at 3AM?) As a result of this, there is a corner of the park where people take turns voicing their agendas at a normal speaking voice, line by line, and their statements are then echoed by a throng of bystanders, effectively amplifying their statements in an ancient ritual. The process is enough to send chills down the spine. The truth will out.
If you live in New York, go down there. If you don't, occupy your own Wall Street or Wallmart or Sesame Street or any other street, real or imagined, where money is not the answer.






Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Food and Feuds



Just spent two weeks in France for rest and recreation with my fine lady, and upon my return I am struck with the fact that it was all about food and feuds. Feasts and grudges, banquets and vendettas, dinners and drama.
First we spent a week in the southwest, in a region called Le Gers, where my father lives in a two-hundred-year old farmhouse which has been in his wife’s family since the 60’s and which I have been visiting since shortly after my birth (long story for another time.) 
We were there for my step-brother’s wedding, and though it was a joyous occasion filled with family and friends, it was marred by some petty family squabbles of the most juvenile and unsavory variety. Even as we sat down to enjoy a seven course meal, (beginning at 9:30 at night with a charcuterie plate featuring foie gras, and ending with a cheese course, desert, and armagnac the same age as the groom at about 1AM, by way of confit de canard, shrimp éclairs, and countless other delights) various family factions drew lines in the sand and held grudges. Cousins snubbed cousins, brothers begrudged mothers, and all of it swirled around and left a slight stink that almost threatened to overpower the delightful aroma of the morbier. I chose to remain blissfully ignorant, or rather duplicitously ignorant, since I knew about all the scuffles but pretended not to. I played some Brassens songs with my uncle Yves and my brother-in-law Gerald for the guests, and danced till 7AM with my step-brother and his wonderfully international, educated, and cosmopolitan friends. Throughout the party, the bartender at the chateau cheerfully served up beer after beer as the party showed no sign of abating. His only request was for the DJ to turn down the music slightly at about 5Am, even as he served beers to the sweating dancers as the sun came up. At sunrise, I suggested we take a swim in the pool, so a few die-hards climbed the fence and washed away our cares in the pool as the birds started to chirp.
I woke up just in time for brunch the next afternoon, where I was late and therefore missed most of the family squabbling that was being recounted by various factions. 
It is worth noting that the wedding was a bi-cultural one between an English/French man and a Yemeni/French woman, and the guests and family members were French as well as Yemeni, spoke French as well as Arabic, and professed Christian and Muslim, as well as atheist religious affiliations. It is also worth noting that there was never the slightest tension or impropriety because of this fact. During the rehearsal dinner, I sat next to a 97-year old man who was a “pretre ouvrier,” meaning a “laborere-priest.” This distinction meant that he was not paid by the church, and instead traveled the world to aid the poorest and most afflicted. He was a family friend of the bride’s mother, a Yemeni who spent most of her life in Marseille. He was the officiant at the ceremony, and he made a point to include all philosophies and faiths. At the rehearsal dinner, he was seated next to the uncle of the bride, a Yemeni who made a heartfelt toast in Arabic, which was then translated into French by another family member. Unfortunately this did not help my wife Chelsea or my brother-in-law, who understand neither. But as the speech grew more impassioned and tears were shed, it became clear that there was strong spirit of common love and respect in the room generated by the lovely newlyweds. Unfortunately, other members of the family who were not in attendance were saving all of their special wedding party animosity for the following night. I don’t want to get into the details in case they read this… The food trumpet the feud. We spent the next two days enjoying the company of my eccentric French family and soaking up the countryside.

Then it was off to Corsica, an island that has been an aosis and a battleground for longer than history has been recorded. Before the Romans, there were the various celtic tribes, the indo-europeans, and others before them. And now this breathtakingly beautiful island flies the flag of Frnace, but really feels like the bastard child of southern Italy and Napa Valley. Speaking of feuds, the mafia has had an ongoing stake in the business dealings of Crosica for centuries. In fact, as we were flying from Toulouse to Ajaccio, I read in Le Monde that  the billionaire scion of a large manufacturing enterprise, Fabrice Vial, who had just purchased a luxury yacht line called Couach, was gunned down by sniper as he was sipping champagne with his young girlfriend on his own yacht, docked in the port of Porto Vecchio. No doubt the victim of very high stakes organized crime maneuvering, a modern-day descendant of the vendettas passed on from generation to generation since antiquity.

And as we journeyed all around this breathtaking paradise, it was easy to see how blood could be spilled competing for dominion of it. Huge volcanic mountain ranges ringed by crystal blue water and white-sand beaches reminded us of an endless Big Sur.
And the food. Holy Poseidon! The freshest, most delicious seafood I have ever eaten. Spicy fish soup with croutons and garlic mayonnaise. Grilled tilapia right out of the boat. A fish stew bursting with every kind of sea creature, fresh out of the ocean. Every restaurant we ate at seemed to be perched on the precipice of the most breathtaking view ever created by nature.

 There were cows on the beach.As I lay in blissful stupor, soaking in the Corsican sun, it occurred to me that cows have served as food for humans, oblivious to the battles and wars being perpetrated by the race of two-legged animals with which they share a world. In their case, the only way to avoid a feud is to become food.